three five zero eight.

a slight change in that order of number and you’d have my exact birthday.

three five eight zero. 3/5/80.

i suppose that sort of thing only happens a few times in a person’s life. i only realized it as i typed the title of tonight’s blog.

tonight… i’m kinda somber. reflective. wondering how to move forward with my life.

i’m thinking about the presidential race. particularly the democratic nominees.

i just watched CNN & MSNBC’s coverage of the 2008 TX, VT, RI & OH primaries, and- being a pretty staunch Obama supporter- am a bit winded. this is my first serious look at the primaries. it’s been a learning experience; i’m better for the effort i’ve invested in educating myself about the process. my allegiances are clear, however. the let down from seeing a throttling in Ohio and a dead heat in Texas is more than i expected it to be.

this shit’s gonna plod all the way to the DNC.

PA votes on the 22nd of April. with Gov. Ed Rendell hanging from the Billary teat ever so firmly… i dunno. i’m just being impatient. i ain’t come here to talk politics though.

im thinking about my relationships with people i care about.

my shit’s a shambles there. shit on the mend, shit completely disintegrating, love & hate, all raining down on me at the same time. ugh. if i let those demons sit on my chest too long i can barely breathe. with that said, i’ll move on.

i’m thinking about my career.

i missed a deadline today. (i apologize, Lowkey. i hope an extension is not out of the question)

i’m excited about things that are going on, the work i’m getting, the relationships i have the opportunity to build, the prospects for the rest of the year and beyond. but in the same moment, i also am very aware of how much work is left to be done, and at moments like this, where the slightest dollop of negativity can momentarily paralyze me, it’s overwhelmingly daunting. the lack of immediate return is enough to make a nigga wanna quit.

i’m thinking about shoes.

i haven’t copped a pair in months, but these are looking well worth the pricetag, whatever it maybe:

chad muska’s shoes are the shit. i’m a believer.

i’m thinking about getting older.

28 years old today.

i’m hard-pressed not to immediately start judging myself negatively, looking at my progress and wagging my finger at this unaccomplished human being in the mirror, but i’ll try to avoid it.

i’m just 28. no strings attached, no bells, no whistles, no fanfare.

just another day in the hood, and it’s okay.

whatever.

happy birthday, lil’ nigga.

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