PRESSURIZED

so i guess this week and the surrounding circumstances dictate that i get a bit personal. i really don’t know what this blog’s aim is, so while it develops some vision, we’ll do whatever in it.

who gives a fuck. i think i lost my readership a few months ago, anyway.  i’m under pressure like a bitch and i’m trying to convince myself that i’m ready to deal with the heavy of it. my lease ends in in two weeks! less than actually!

so i’m at a massive crossroads.

how do i embrace this bullshit?

i have a steady job. i have BILLS. i have a little money in the bank. i don’t have a place to sleep. i promised the fucking WORLD i’d be in new york city sept 1. nobody’s gonna do my legwork for me.

nobody knows who i am in my industry. yeah its my industry now, for those who know/care what i do, fuck it. i aint getting nowhere by calling it my sideshit.  and it aint.

which brings me to kanye, sorta, skipping a lot of better segues cuz the wrist rest on this laptop is kinda hurtful.

i wonder if Ye knows how impossibly improbable his star is. he has to. which is why he needs to continue stunting like his shit don’t stink at all. that shit comes and goes so fast, and his shit is stratospheric. he’s on an outkast level where he can do pretty much ANYTHING and people will fuck with it. he’s one of the few tastemakers that have sprung forth from the hiphop sporoform. you don’t clearly understand what the gravity of that is until you submerge yourself in this bullshit ass music industry, rife with nepotism and underhanded practice, the invisible corporate/conglomerate hand still guiding the ethics and sensibility of the people responsible for bringing us the new shit… money being the bottom line… ANCIENT business models still in effect and making a clusterfuck of the future of music.

</bitching>

ye writes his own  ticket now. virtually indomitable at this stage in his career. bigger than he was 3 years ago, when he was MASSIVE. not just a music guy anymore, a cultural icon… and he’s this dorky kid from chicago who earned his spot in the walk of fame. its kinda bananas when you realize 6 years ago he was getting deals pulled out from under his feet.

WOW.

but to continue- Ye also establishes by example that it’s not too impossible to be worth the hustle & chase. is it? this music shit is a lil talent, a lil tech know how, a buncha fucking elbow grease and network game, and worst of all, a buttload (yes a buttload) of good fortune. good timing. its not just working hard, unfortunately. it’s not just meeting all the right people. its DEFINITELY not just being very good. don’t kid yourself, kids. you need more, and quite frankly, that’s why so many people don’t make it. they don’t have the complete package, and they don’t push to develop it.

it’s clear i don’t have the complete package, thankfully that’s not what ostensibly will keep me off my goals. i make good music. it’s not the greatest shit ever (i’m working on that) but it’s very good. i can admit that without being a dick, because it don’t mean SHIT. not by itself. since that’s the only thing i really walked into the game with, the rest is up to me to study, develop, own and employ. mental stamina, throw that in the mix. and patience.

so basically what im saying is i have really walked off the fucking plank here. the plank over looking the precipice that drops straight down into certain failure. SCARY! but look yonder, across the gorge is everything a nigga could want & more! and behind me… the doldrums.

i’ve leapt already. now i gotta fly.

(see? they always end positive.)

somebody said once that the greatest thing you’ll ever create is your life. it’s true. when we opt for bullshit, we’re selling our greatest labour so short it’s an unquestionable travesty.
i’m proud of myself for taking my paintbrush into my hands and giving a masterpiece at least a fighting chance. if anything, it’s a fantastic outlook on life to have, something i’d like to pass on to my kids.

__

later.